Defeat

We are brought up in a society that doesn't like to admit defeat. We learn from an early age that we have to strive to succeed, that we can if we try. And when we see something that we can't control, that has us defeated, there seem to be only two alternatives.

One approach is to re-double our efforts – to keep on trying to do the impossible. This way leads to broken health and bitterness as time after time we are defeated. Often, it leads to demoralization, a feeling that we have no self worth. Occasionally it does lead to success, but this often only means that we move on to another obstacle, even harder to overcome.

Another approach is to give up – to say, that is just how it is, and not even try anymore. Whilst on the face of it this seems easier, it can also mean we give up on our dreams and live a life without meaning, a life without hope. While living like this can appear to be unruffled, it is also much too often unfulfilled too.

But there is an alternative approach when we find an obstacle that we can't overcome. And that is to admit defeat and seek help.

It's important that we do both – first, we have to admit defeat. We have to acknowledge in ourselves that we can't do this particular thing, or that we have a problem in this particular area. It is a truism that the first step in recovery from any form of addiction, is the acknowledgment that we have a problem. So it is with any issue – we have to admit that we are defeated before we can start to win.

Many will say that admitting defeat just means that we are being negative – but on the contrary, if we admit defeat and look for help, then we are being nothing but positive. We are acknowledging the truth, and from that place of truth we can move on to discover the way through.

Maybe the help we need is practical – I, for example, am no good with engines, so when my car isn't working, it is no good me pretending that I am able to fix it – I have to admit that I don't know how, and take the car to the garage to be fixed.

Sometimes, the help we need is emotional. When going through a divorce we need not just practical help from legal professionals, but support from our family and friends to get over the emotional scares

And sometimes the help we need is spiritual. When my mother died, for example, I could do all the practical things like organizing the funeral, and dealing with the estate, and friends were there for me. But I had to admit I was powerless over my feelings of loss and abandonment. For this there were no words from friends that would help, no practical assistance that a professional could supply. I needed to rely on prayer and mediation to provide me with a measure of acceptance.

But in all of these, the first step is admitting defeat.