I recently got hold of some of my old clothes that I'd left behind in my old house, including a large number of socks. When I moved to where I am now, I only had a suitcase of clothes, and it was summer, so I only had a few pairs. In a way, that was a liberation too - I decided that I didn't *have* to wear socks all the time!

But then winter came, and I got a job standing up for long periods of time in work shoes, so I needed to buy socks. And now I had all these old ones too and I thought, well I'll keep them because socks wear out, and it'll save me having to buy any for years. There was not enough room in my underwear drawer, so I moved things and had a whole drawer full of socks. Actually, a whole drawer STUFFED with socks. When I opened the drawer, it was difficult to shut it again.

Then I was talking to someone about abundance.

So yesterday morning I emptied out that drawer of socks, and looked at them - what message to the universe am I giving by having all these?

The message is that I don't trust that I'll be able to afford to buy new ones when I need them.

The message is that I am insecure, and need to surround myself with things to protect me.

So I organised them, and now I have sufficient socks for my current needs, and the rest - and there are a LOT of them - are being given away: someone else may benefit from the excess that I don't need.

And this seems to me to be emblematic of the way I can, and have, lived my life. I can try to control everything and make sure that "I have enough". I can try to ensure that every eventuality is covered, that all my plans are in place. But I know what happens when I live like this - I end up discontented.

The thing is, there is NEVER enough; not enough money, enough food, enough booze - not enough anything.

Things don't work out like I plan and so I try to make better plans. The things I have don't make me happy, so I need to get more things.

I also know what it's like when I make room for abundance in my life.

When I give up trying to manage the outcomes, and just look after the here and now, my life opens up and I get to appreciate all the great things in it.

Where I am right now is an absolutely wonderful place, but it's not where I want to be forever. No, I'll re-phrase that - where I am right now is an absolutely wonderful place, AND it's not where I want to be forever.

Yesterday, I threw out some things, and now have space in my wardrobe: every day I can throw out old ideas, and leave space in my life for the abundance that life gives me.

When I live each day as it comes, I can enjoy life as it happens, and every moment can be magical.

Defeat

We are brought up in a society that doesn't like to admit defeat. We learn from an early age that we have to strive to succeed, that we can if we try. And when we see something that we can't control, that has us defeated, there seem to be only two alternatives.

One approach is to re-double our efforts – to keep on trying to do the impossible. This way leads to broken health and bitterness as time after time we are defeated. Often, it leads to demoralization, a feeling that we have no self worth. Occasionally it does lead to success, but this often only means that we move on to another obstacle, even harder to overcome.

Another approach is to give up – to say, that is just how it is, and not even try anymore. Whilst on the face of it this seems easier, it can also mean we give up on our dreams and live a life without meaning, a life without hope. While living like this can appear to be unruffled, it is also much too often unfulfilled too.

But there is an alternative approach when we find an obstacle that we can't overcome. And that is to admit defeat and seek help.

It's important that we do both – first, we have to admit defeat. We have to acknowledge in ourselves that we can't do this particular thing, or that we have a problem in this particular area. It is a truism that the first step in recovery from any form of addiction, is the acknowledgment that we have a problem. So it is with any issue – we have to admit that we are defeated before we can start to win.

Many will say that admitting defeat just means that we are being negative – but on the contrary, if we admit defeat and look for help, then we are being nothing but positive. We are acknowledging the truth, and from that place of truth we can move on to discover the way through.

Maybe the help we need is practical – I, for example, am no good with engines, so when my car isn't working, it is no good me pretending that I am able to fix it – I have to admit that I don't know how, and take the car to the garage to be fixed.

Sometimes, the help we need is emotional. When going through a divorce we need not just practical help from legal professionals, but support from our family and friends to get over the emotional scares

And sometimes the help we need is spiritual. When my mother died, for example, I could do all the practical things like organizing the funeral, and dealing with the estate, and friends were there for me. But I had to admit I was powerless over my feelings of loss and abandonment. For this there were no words from friends that would help, no practical assistance that a professional could supply. I needed to rely on prayer and mediation to provide me with a measure of acceptance.

But in all of these, the first step is admitting defeat.

Content

Being content may sound like choosing second best. We strive to be happy and to see the best in everything, but sometimes even our best decisions don't help us keep to being happy.

Ans sometimes we should be sad. A death of a loved one, or the ending of a relationship – even the loss of something that we valued like a well liked picture – any of these can and probably should make us sad.

But being content is something that can happen outside of our current state of happiness. Being content can mean that we know that all is just the way it should be today. That even our sadness, is a right and proper way to grieve, and that underneath that, we know that all is well.

Contentment may seem a placid thing – something that comes along on us without our knowledge. And sometimes we can just be content because we are happy enough with where we are right now. But also, contentment can be worked for – and it is worth working for it.

If we are basically content with ourselves, we can still endeavor to be better, but we will not beat ourselves up if we don't win out at the first attempt. If we rely just on happiness to keep us going, then at the first sign that we are failing, that happiness will leave us, and we may decide just to give up.

But if we are content that we are doing our best, we can carry on and push through temporary failure, and look for the greater success in the future.

So how do I get contentment in my life? One way is through thankfulness. A task I sometimes set myself is to write a list of 100 things that I am grateful for. This may sound like a pointless – or too hard! - exercise, but there are so many things that I can be grateful for, even in the worse of times.

Another source of contentment is to do worthwhile things – to now that I have done something as well as I can, or that I have helped someone or been or service to them.

Contentment keeps me balanced and centered – it is there in spite of pleasure or pain – happiness or sadness – rain or shine. If I can promote my contentment, then I can see myself through the bad times, and not worry that the good times will fail me.

Able

I live on a river, near to the sea, and there are large flocks of birds, including lots of sea gulls.

It always seems to me that sea gulls actively enjoy flying - I’m sure that this is just a fancy on my part, but when I watch them glide and dive it seems to me that they do it for the sheer joy of flying. They do it because they can.

Sea gulls also seem to want to hunt their food - throw bread for them, and rather than land, walk up to it and eat, as most other birds do, they will swoop down, grab a piece of bread without stopping, and gain the air again.

When I stop feeding them out on the river bank here, they came and stand on the small parapet that marks the edge of the quayside, waiting for more food from me, or for something else to happen.

It was on one such occasion when I spotted a gull with only one leg. I took a double take for a second - was it just standing on one leg, with the other held up like flamingos do? No, it hopped along the wall, and it was evident that it did, indeed, have only one leg.

It seemed not to be a great disability for the bird - it did have to hop, where he others walked, but given the way the gulls feed on the wing, this didn’t seen a great disadvantage.

Did it even know it was “disabled”? It completed with the others for food - and as I saw this bird every so often for weeks, it seemed successfully. In flying it seemed to make no difference: and whilst it couldn’t walk like the others, it got around just find. It accepted what it was, and made the best go of life that it could.

Sometimes, we compare ourselves to others, and find ourselves wanting. This person has a better job; that person more money; he has a better writer; she is a better public speaker.

But the truth is we are all good at some things, and not so good at others. To be a success is to use the talents we have to the best of our ability. And sometimes, what makes us different makes us uniquely able. Paradoxical as it sounds, sometimes our biggest defects are our biggest assets,

Feeling

Sad, upset, miserable, as well as cheerful, pleased, happy - all these are "just" feelings. But I tend to label some of these feelings as “bad” and some as “good”, and there is a danger that when I have one of the bad ones, I’ll try to avoid it or hide from it. And equally, when I’m having a “good” feeling, I want it to continue and never stop. Both of these reactions are a manifestation of selfwill - of my desire to control the world.

Well, it seems that I’m not God, and so don’t get to control the world or very much in it. Feelings come and go - they are transitory and everything changes - even change changes! I don’t get to hold on to “happy” any more than I get never to feel “Sad”.

And there is a balance here - we have to accept our feelings because they are real and need to be acknowledged. But we also need to remember that they are just feelings, and ask ourselves -do we need to act on this one? Or just let it change?

Sometimes, I just need to admit the feelings to another person - just admit them and more on. Sometimes I need to act, because the feeling is there because there is something I need to change. This is where I need to try to listen to my inner voice - which I call the voice of God - to work out what the next right thing to do is.

Feelings are valuable; we have them for a reason. Like physical sensations, they are neither intrinsically good nor intrinsically bad - they just are. If I get a sensation of pain when I touch a hot stove, I don’t label the feeling as bad - it is a good warning that I need to move my hand, and quickly!

When I am feeling upset with someone, just like pain from the stove it is telling me something.

Maybe I had unreasonable expectations of that person, and need to realize that not everything always is about me.

Or maybe they genuinely did do something wrong, in which case I need to accept that they are who they are, and that this bad thing happened - me being upset will not change the fact.

In either case, there is action I need to take - just like moving my hand from the hot stove, I may need to move my thoughts from what someone else “should have done”, to what I can do now.

If I am really in touch with my feelings, I can use them as a valuable recourse to show me the way I need to change my life.