Gratitudes

Summer Sun
warm Southerly breezes
long daylight days
the way the sun makes the clouds look
that clouds are always different
sunsets over the river
sunrises on the beach
sand between my toes
sea water lapping at my feet
sand dunes

coloured cliffs
light houses
sea birds
dog walkers
the backs of knees
toes
tides
The Wash
Norfolk folk
accents

reflections
ripples
red cars
security gates
bikes
tomato plants
locally grown asparagus
strawberry plants in hanging baskets
water features
garden furniture

docks
fishing boats
newts
cycle paths
flood defence dykes
bridges
grass tracks
wooden walkways
white cats that let you pet them
ferries

having suntanned feet
being able to wear shorts
roses
peonies
those big tall flowers growing in my garden
bollards
shells
reeds
gulls
blue tits

dragonflies over the water
not being scared of them anymore
water lilies
ribbed glasses
window blinds
stars
the Moon
street lights
knowing my way even when the street lights go off
candles

candle lighters
Tuesday Market
Farm shops
Local produce
water falls
Rivers
marsh land
willow warblers
grebes
bunting

Marsh Harriers
flags
other peoples wide screen TV's
not having a TV of my own
wrist watch
pictures
memories
souvenirs
weather stations
a Big D

window cleaners (when they come)
garbage collectors
street cleaners
courts
brass
wheeled suitcases
charity shops
glass ornaments
the veins on leaves
cat hair

Defeat

We are brought up in a society that doesn't like to admit defeat. We learn from an early age that we have to strive to succeed, that we can if we try. And when we see something that we can't control, that has us defeated, there seem to be only two alternatives.

One approach is to re-double our efforts – to keep on trying to do the impossible. This way leads to broken health and bitterness as time after time we are defeated. Often, it leads to demoralization, a feeling that we have no self worth. Occasionally it does lead to success, but this often only means that we move on to another obstacle, even harder to overcome.

Another approach is to give up – to say, that is just how it is, and not even try anymore. Whilst on the face of it this seems easier, it can also mean we give up on our dreams and live a life without meaning, a life without hope. While living like this can appear to be unruffled, it is also much too often unfulfilled too.

But there is an alternative approach when we find an obstacle that we can't overcome. And that is to admit defeat and seek help.

It's important that we do both – first, we have to admit defeat. We have to acknowledge in ourselves that we can't do this particular thing, or that we have a problem in this particular area. It is a truism that the first step in recovery from any form of addiction, is the acknowledgment that we have a problem. So it is with any issue – we have to admit that we are defeated before we can start to win.

Many will say that admitting defeat just means that we are being negative – but on the contrary, if we admit defeat and look for help, then we are being nothing but positive. We are acknowledging the truth, and from that place of truth we can move on to discover the way through.

Maybe the help we need is practical – I, for example, am no good with engines, so when my car isn't working, it is no good me pretending that I am able to fix it – I have to admit that I don't know how, and take the car to the garage to be fixed.

Sometimes, the help we need is emotional. When going through a divorce we need not just practical help from legal professionals, but support from our family and friends to get over the emotional scares

And sometimes the help we need is spiritual. When my mother died, for example, I could do all the practical things like organizing the funeral, and dealing with the estate, and friends were there for me. But I had to admit I was powerless over my feelings of loss and abandonment. For this there were no words from friends that would help, no practical assistance that a professional could supply. I needed to rely on prayer and mediation to provide me with a measure of acceptance.

But in all of these, the first step is admitting defeat.